Showing posts with label kitchen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kitchen. Show all posts

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Overblown Power Tools

Men must be responsible for this collection of items. They will only do housework if it has an electric motor or involves fire.

Here's a great item. An ice cube maker. I fail to see how this is superior to a $1 bag of ice from the grocery store thrown into a multi-use cooler that does not require the use of polluting batteries or carbon-based energy. Especially for $300. Yup. $300. This is for the man who is tired of being told his only job for the party is to "make ice" and who hates checking the ice cube trays for two days.
Another item in the category of "things you can do without if you have one of those new-fangled combo freezer/refrigerator deals"


Finally the overpriced substitute for sticking the wine in the freezer for 20 minutes. Can't wait 20 minutes? Contact AA.


If you are really a snob, $10 will help you take the wine out the fridge at the right time.

Even more trouble with alcohol. Somehow waiters the world over can open a bottle of wine while standing up over your table with a very simple tool. But you have to go and get this one for $80. Wow.


I guess I should be glad it doesn't have a power motor like this one.


Apparently some people have wrist problems.....who has trouble shaking a martini? Lots of people!
"This is the device that shakes or stirs a martini until it reaches the optimal drinking temperature of 34° F, ensuring perfect homemade martinis at the touch of a button. The stainless steel shaker moves up and down vigorously during the "shake" cycle and gently rotates in "stir" mode, melding the ingredients during either cycle for 60 seconds."


"Here's the simple and stylish way to create perfect cocktails. This professional drink mixer blends ice and your own ingredients with the touch of a button. The retro design brings flair to home bars or club houses. With removable cap and easy-pour spout." Because apparently those old fashioned martini shakers have real problems with...um....caps and um...pouring.

Also for people who can't find a whisk or a spoon. Or if you're really lazy, a blender. The specialized one-purpose milkshake shaker!

At least a blender has other purposes, like mixing frozen drinks. But wait! You need this special gizmo just for drinks!



I am unclear as to why this has to be a power tool. The old fashioned one works great and is $100 cheaper.

I guess it's similar to the coffee dispenser for those with trouble using a spoon.

I don't know what to say about an automatic soft serve ice cream maker/dispenser with integrated sprinkles except: how many parts are there to wash?!


It's not just cold that's difficult to manage, but apparently heat too. Is there any room even left on your counter for this contraption? Maybe you can stash it in your oven, since apparently that isn't being used for its intended purpose of heating food.

"This is the double deck pizza oven that cooks two 12" fresh pizzas in 90 seconds (or frozen pizzas in three minutes), allowing you to cook pizzeria-worthy pies 15 times faster than a traditional oven."

OK, so you have 21 minutes to wait for that pizza out of your oven, you complain. What shall you do with that time? How about some situps and jumping jacks to work off the two pizzas you're about to eat by yourself!

Another problem some people appear to have is with finding a pot and looking at a watch. Hence you have the electric rice cooker. Yup. That's all it does. OK, a Southern woman has to have a Charleston rice steamer, but that you can also use base as a regular pot and it costs maybe $30. That's $130 less than this monstrosity you also have to find a place for in your cabinet.

Now, a bigger problem is apparently "walking to the grill and looking at it". Won't have to with this gadget. The Remote BBQ Voice Alert Thermometer!

"This thermometer is great for indoor and outdoor use. The wireless remote can monitor food from up to 100 feet away. You can either program it your self or use one of the many presets. Select from doneness presets for beef, chicken, pork, veal, and more. The amber backlit LCD displays the built in count down timer. An audible voice alert tells you when food is done. "

I guess this is useful if you're in the other room dressing your wounds from using this.

And a great combo of motorized playing with fire. A hotdog roller for the grill

Apparently there are other people who have trouble with a pen and paper. This gadget will record your grocery list!

"This is the voice activated grocery list organizer that comes pre-loaded with over 2,500 food, beverage, household, beauty, and office items, and recognizes words as specific as swordfish, emory boards, and lawn bags, allowing you to store and print shopping lists simply by speaking the name of the item. The organizer uses a speaker-independent voice recognition system to match a spoken item with one in its database. It has an easy-to-read LCD screen that puts your list in alphabetical order, and it also recognizes errands, such as going to the bank, library, or veterinarian. Simply press the print button for a categorized list generated by the devices built-in thermal printer."

And now in the clothing category - something that only does pants as opposed to the low-tech iron which does any clothing, any fabric, any size! And an iron costs approximately $450 less than this pants press.

And my favorite overblown power tool..... the escalator.
The escalator can go up or down, true. But stairs have the advantage of being infinitely scalable in speed, simultaneously going up and down, adjusting automatically to the needs of users going either direction, and never breaking down. Some people would be lost without escalators. Others would just lose weight. An elevator for people with rolling luggage or strollers would do the trick and be only one thing to have to keep running.

DISCLAIMER! I don't fault someone with disabilities who finds one of these items useful.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Smaller is More Expensive

So this itty bitty microwave costs $149. I found regular sized ones for that much.
So explain to me where you have an office setting, with sufficient reliable power, room to put a microwave safely on a desk.....and yet do not have room for a more versatile and useful larger model?!

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Friday, February 13, 2009

Because Cans Come in 12 Packs

One day I'll total up all the cooler-type gizmos and see what the cost is and compare to the cost of a fridge and the cubic footage.

This Drink-O-Matic has room for only 10 cans.....so what do you do with the other two?

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Yet Another Refrigerator Substitute

I am stunned....we have cracked the $1000 ceiling at Don't Need, Don't Have. A wine bottle chiller for only three bottles - Sky Bar - avoids the hassle of tilting bottles to pour them.


I think my last fridge cost half that....and held a lot more than three bottles of wine.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

More Abuse of the French

As if having "highway paint" mustard labeled "French's" isn't insulting enough, here's another wine gizmo requiring power.....and it is blamed on the French. Sacre bleu! A good French waiter can open wine with the simplest of corkscrews.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, December 15, 2008

When 7-11 Is Out of Beef Jerky.....

Wow.... wow...Make your own jerky gizmo .....

"Spice up your snacking selection. This versatile kit lets you quickly and easily create your own jerky strips, sticks, or double strips. Add the included spices to your choice of ground meat for flavor that suits your tastes. Includes jerky gun, three attachments, and five spices."

$25 buys a lot of jerky at the truck stop.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Spoons Too Complicated?


Who really has so much trouble with pancakes that you need a $30 gizmo to replace a spoon or measuring cup? The spoon and cup you ALREADY HAVE! So when you use for pancakes...it's FREE! Where are you going to find space for this - and look at all the parts to wash! I can hear my Mom now.....

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Oh, THAT'S How to Pass Germs More Efficiently!

In case your guests didn't get a cold from your sneezing in the dip, or greeting all the other guests, or from your molding the cheese ball.....this will ensure that every germ from your kids' germy hands gets on every gumdrop and that any airborne pathogens are caught in the branches and stuck on the gummy gumdrops in this gumdrop tree.


Kookaburra not included! ("Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree, Merry merry king of the bush is he, Laugh Kookaburra, laugh Kookaburra, Gay your life must be. Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree, Eating all the gumdrops he can see; Stop Kookaburra, stop Kookaburra, Leave some gums for me ")

Stumble Upon Toolbar

If there's no fire danger, where's the fun?!

The point of S'mores isn't that they are good - they are not - but that you get to learn to build a fire ("no that's a bush not a weed you can't cut it down!"), find a stick ("don't point that at your sister!"), wave flaming (oops) marshmallows around, eat some of the chocolate bars ("you won't have any left!" "Mom, she ate mine!"), and drop the whole ashen thing on the ground.

Doing it in the microwave is sooooo beside the point!!!! I despair for kids in a house where this is considered a good idea. I bet the kids get shellacked or laminated every day and wrapped in bubble wrap and are only allowed a snack when they set out matching plates and brush their hair in case there's a cute photo for the scrapbook.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, November 24, 2008

Why You Are Fat

So now you can order pizza while watching TV (from your TIVO) without having to stretch to the coffee table to pick up your phone with the pizza number already programmed in.....


Now, if they invent a gizmo where you can point remote at something on a TV show and order it....that would really let you have instant gratification every time you experience the power of suggestions.....cheeseburger, wine, hooker....

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Unless You're Missing Hands...

....you should not get this battery operated whisk.

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, October 6, 2008

This Will Ruin My Diet!

Clever, but the only way to avoid eating the whole bag of chips is to find out they are stale!

Usually, I can tell the bread is bad by the mold spots and the chips are bad when they taste bad. Trust me, it's a good thing if you're not reminded to finish that 2 lb bag of Ruffles Sour Cream and Cheddar...you shouldn't have opened it in the first place!

"Date-Minder Clips - Keep food fresher...and track the date you opened it. No more serving stale chips, crackers or cookies. Date-Minder Clips not only seal up bags, they also take the guessing out of when they were opened. "

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Rare Find - Something Useful!

I first thought this timer was going to be really silly. But then I realized you can have 5 timers going and know which dang pot they go with! Now, you shouldn't NEED a timer to know when the boiled potatoes are done (fork test), when the broccoli is steamed (bright green and still a bit of crisp with fork test to the stem), when the rice is done (taste), when the soup is hot (finger test!), but if you need some help and a reminder to go check on something in a crazy kitchen, this will work!

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Friday, October 3, 2008

So, What's Wrong with the Fridge?

Wow....$200 for an extra 18 inches of fridge. This small wine cooler allows you to spend one-third the price of a larger wine cooler on one that only holds one tenth the wine! Ok, so the fridge is too cold for whites and the counter too warm for reds so ....all you need is to take the white out the fridge for 15-20 minutes (or heck pour it and it will warm a bit in the glasses) and put the red in for 20 minutes (or heck in the freezer for 5 min) to chill a bit.


"Under-cabinet Wine Cooler - Keep four bottles ready to serve! Use vertically or horizontally. Red or white wine will be at ideal serving temperature when guests drop in! This under-cabinet wine cellar holds up to four bottles, leaving more room in the fridge for platters of hors d’oeuvres. And it frees up counter space because it mounts under or alongside the cabinet!"

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Thursday, October 2, 2008

More Hamburger Helper!

People are seriously lacking in motor skills and even judgment. In addition to earlier hamburger patty making contraptions, here's one that's SIZABLE!!

Really, this is crazy.


"Adjust-A-Burger - Perfect size and shape for portion control and even cooking.
There’s no more “ Who wants the big (or small) burger?” Not when you use Adjust-A-Burger to measure and shape them. You’ll save time forming patties, and they’ll cook evenly and fit the bun perfectly. You’ll also know just how much (or little) you’re eating."

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Saturday, September 27, 2008

What's Wrong with Using Your Finger?!

OK, so you should use your knife or another utensil, but seriously you should not buy a $16 fork.

"Stainless Steel Serving Fork - Just squeeze this fork, and food is released.

No more awkward fumbling at the buffet table! Guests will have an easier time helping themselves to platters of food—a simple squeeze of the handle instantly releases food to their plates. "

Stumble Upon Toolbar

The $200 Zip-Loc Bag

Why just throw meat and marinade in a ziploc into the fridge, when you can fire up this baby! Apparently it tumbles the food......what, you can't shakeshakeshake that bag?! I guess there's some suction vacuum thing that makes it work faster. To save $200 I'll work on just remembering to do the marinade in the morning.


Stumble Upon Toolbar

Monday, September 15, 2008

Update: Now You Can Spend $600 on Margaritas

And I thought it wasn't possible to top this.....

But the good folks at Frontgate will save you from having any unused storage space and having extra cash in the bank.

Just buy this updated frozen margarita machine.

The copy is priceless...

Tahiti Margaritaville Frozen Drink Machine

Our Tahiti Margaritaville Frozen Drink Machine is the ultimate bartender. It features three 24-ounce blending jars to create multiple frozen drinks at the same time.

  • Rotating ice hopper sends shaved ice to all 3 blending jars
  • 6 fully automatic, preprogrammed drink settings take the guesswork out of making delectable frozen drinks
  • Also great for healthy drinks like smoothies
  • Tropical bamboo accents for that island feeling in your home

Stumble Upon Toolbar

Friday, September 5, 2008

How Many Rolls of Masking Tape and Sharpies Would $19.95 Buy?

So for that price, I get ONE of these digital "days ago" timers to tell me when to throw stuff out of the fridge? Seriously? Throw it out when it's hairy or you want to puke when you open it. If it has vinegar in it....eh!


Stumble Upon Toolbar

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Better Stay Out of the Kitchen

More from the Land of Incompetents! If making big hamburgers is hard, the how about little ones? HARDER!

The video on website is priceless - that person should stay away from heat and sharp objects!
The best part is that the only thing "hard" about making mini hamburgers (aka "sliders") is that you can't buy buns for them. But there's NO MENTION of how to get the mini buns on the website!!!

Stumble Upon Toolbar