If You Buy Something to Make Yourself Frugal....Are You Really Frugal?

Seems to me if you want to roll up newspaper into little cylinders to make temporary seedling pots, you could use a pringles can or some jar, and not need to buy something specifically for that purpose.

Unacceptable Ineptitude

If you're this clumsy that you can't break an egg and need an egg breaker gizmo, get out of the kitchen before you get hurt! Who needs help with an egg? Even if you only have one hand, it can be done one-handed. Really. Stay away from frying pans if you're this challenged.

Useful: An Occasional Shout Out to Something Really Bright

OK - I'm not immune to progress or invention. Here is a new thing that is wonderful. A way to remember the wine you ordered without having to fish for a pen, write on the back of the receipt, etc.

Again, Slashfood is the source.

More Things to Wash

Poached eggs are easy. So why bother with this?
Really. Fresh eggs. High simmer, not boil, the water. Add a bit of vinegar. Stir water fast. Crack egg into water.

Self Stirring Mug

So how often are you somewhere you have a tea bag, hot water, a glass, sugar cubes.....but not a spoon?

"It debuted recently at the London Design Festival. It was designed by two Frenchmen who were out to make a cup for hot beverages that wouldn't need a spoon. You can see in the picture that the bottom of the cup sticks out and there is a ball in that part. All you have to do is gently swirl the cup a bit to get the ball moving, and that motion is what stirs the contents of the cup."

Credit to Slashfood for mocking this first.

Dilemma: Junk Mail = More Stories!

So what would I have to laugh at if I didn't get catalogs?! Thanks to the internet, I can find outrageous things without dead trees arriving in my mailbox.

There are a lot fewer now that I've signed up with Green Dimes. Eliminate junk mail!

Or put it to good use.
Or another use.

Matching Grass

This sensor for grass is very odd. I can honestly say I've never tried to match my neighbor's grass!


"grass scanner / parktone: Competition naturally occurs between two living organisms that co-exists in the same environment. In wealthier neighbourhoods, the size of the house and how well maintained the garden is, often represents status. The Grass Scanner is a device designed to measure how green the grass is. It takes reading from 3 random patches of the grass and outputs a Pantone* colour code for one to reference and compare. With the codes, one can then refer to the PARKTONE** cards which contains true grass colours of Royal Parks and other green areas in the UK for people to match up with their own garden. "

So Are There Any Other Uses for This?

Single use items in the pan category. Any old cookie sheet should work....

You Really Shouldn't Eat Hot Dogs and French Fries on China!

I suppose if you're the kind of person who buys some fancy hot dog cooker, you might be tempted to get this to hold the hot dog in. A porcelain hot dog holder.


It's companion is for french fries.
That will really class up your next dinner party - no one will notice you're serving hotdogs and fries as long as they are in porcelain!

Surgeon General's Warning: Hot dogs and fries consumed at the baseball park are not bad for your health!

And then there's the porcelain plastic cup to round out the meal. Funny, silly, but really.

Microwave Your Pets!

Ok, so a microwavable warm thing for your aching shoulders sounds like a good idea. And maybe you like the idea of a warm pet to cuddle with. But how do you stand the part where you stuff Fluffy in the microwave?!

"The microwave turns soft "stuffed animals" into cordless heat packs.

These plush, bean-bag-like animals can be left to "nap" on the back of the sofa until you need them to relieve your sore muscles or to warm you up on a chilly evening."

I'm picturing your neighbor looking through the window and seeing you with a limp cat....

What If the Melon is A Different Size?

Another slicer gizmo. This for watermelon. How big is it? Where do you keep it?

Are People Just Afraid of Knives?

Another single purpose item. Add it to the list. This one is for avocados. Really. Knife, fork, spoon. Done. To get the pit out, stab with a knife, twist. To peel, if soft enough, use a spoon to scoop. If not, your sharp paring knife. To slice, well try a knife! A knife you can sharpen. This you can't. And you can't use for anything else.

Singing Pasta?

But I like throwing a noodle at the wall to see if it sticks!

"No more guessing or tasting a hot noodle! Slip "Al Dente" into the pasta pot. After 7 minutes, he'll play 30 seconds of the "Triumphal March" from Aida; at 9 minutes, the "Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves" from Nabucco; and at 11 minutes, "La Donna é mobile" from Rigoletto. Non-replaceable battery is safely sealed inside."

So if it's based on time not some super fancy sensor of the noodles, why not just use a kitchen timer?!

At least this would serve to educate more people about opera because you'd have to learn about the different tunes.

How about an All-Middle Pan?

This made me laugh. I don't think you need this brownie pan that's all edges because there's probably someone else out there who likes the middle of the brownie!

"A baker’s dream: deliciously chewy edges for every piece! If you love the crunchy, caramelized, toasty edges of a brownie, this pan is for you. No more gooey centers—every serving has two edges, thanks to the patented interior sidewalls on this pan. "

Now you have a pan with no other purpose to clutter your cabinet.

Won't the Ice Melt?

I fail to see how this is supposed to work. Won't the ice melt as the tea steeps in boiling water? What's the stackable functionality for? Isn't just adding ice to a glass of brewing tea accomplishing the same thing?

"Steep hot tea in the lidded upper pitcher and then Flash Chill deliciously fresh iced tea by pouring the brewed beverage into the ice in the lower pitcher for immediate service." Yes, even better, you still have to pour it out into a glass! Now you have three things to wash!

New Category: WASTEFUL!

How to make the least of your ingredients!

A Leaf Blower Works Pretty Well, Too

I give this one use before it breaks. And you still have to climb up on the ladder. More than one time if you've got multiple levels, eaves, etc. Or does it hover and fly to the next trough?


"The iRobot® Looj cleans up to 80 feet of gutter in minutes, not hours—it’s the easiest way to keep gutters free-flowing all year round! Gutter cleaning is a dirty, unpleasant job. You have to repeatedly climb and move ladders, and reach from dangerous heights. But no more! Now you can do it all by remote control with the amazing new Looj robot gutter cleaner from iRobot®. At just 2 1/4" tall, Looj propels itself easily under gutter straps and over downspout holes. Its three-stage, high-velocity auger breaks up clogs, lifting out leaves, pine needles and other wet or dry debris while brushing gutters clean. Wireless remote control has a 75-ft. range, moves the Looj forwards and backwards, and changes the rotational direction of the auger to ensure complete debris removal. Looj attaches to an included belt clip to free up your hands and make it easier for you to climb a ladder. Uses a high power, rechargeable battery pack (included). Remote uses two AAA batteries (not included)."

If R2-D2 Catered Your Next Party

Look at this. Even if you can rationalize needing it, you have to apply the "drunk guest rule" (will someone knock this over and bust it) and the "frat boy rule" (how much harassment are you going to get for something that looks this stupid). $400.

"Chill out with an innovative and portable outdoor refrigerator. Keep plenty of cold drinks handy for guests with a rolling fridge that also doubles as a mini service area. Simply plug it in and fill it with your favorite beverages. With ample storage, you and your guests will have nicely chilled drinks all party long. Order your outdoor fridge today and be the coolest host in the neighborhood!"

Note the cord that makes it work (and the big ugly orange extension cord you'll need) is invisible in the photo. I'll bet you someone trips on it in the first 2 minutes.

Wouldn't It Be Easier to Remove the Top Sheet?

Or maybe turn down the AC? Why buy this added contraption? There goes another $80.


"Bed Fan delivers a cool breeze between the sheets—without AC costs, and without disturbing your partner. Fan attaches to the foot of the bed and quietly blows fresh, cool air between your top and bottom sheets, instantly dispersing built-up body heat trapped under the covers. Great for couples with different temperature preferences! Low-profile design, handheld control."

Sock Apartheid

That will teach those dang socks to behave! No fraternizing with the other colored socks!

Serious OCD with the drawer. See Your Shrink If This Appeals to You!

Doubles as Giant Rodent Exercise Wheel

This concept is hilarious. It takes up more room than any other shoe storage system I've ever seen.

"Too many shoes are not a problem when you have the Shoe Wheel. The wheel's 20 expandable pockets allow you to store an average of up to 30 pairs of shoes (depending on the type). The clips of the adjustable pockets slide back and forth over elastic cords. Simply place your shoes in the pockets and the cords will keep them in place. The rotating, ferris-wheel design allows you to spin the storage unit to easily see your shoes. You can even adjust the rotational speed of the wheel. The Shoe Wheel can be easily tucked away into a closet as it rolls out easily, or thanks to it's stylish design can be kept out in the opening. Some assembly required with a Philips head screwdriver and the included wrench."

If You Buy This and the 47 Other Blender-like Items, then You Can Finally Get Rid of that Pesky Blender!

Yet another very specific blender item - with a $60 price tag!. With multiple unique parts you have to find when you want to use it. I'm thinking one immersion blender and one pitcher blender per household and you're set for pretty much anything.

"This high-speed blender/mixer system allows you to chop, mix, blend, whip and grind in 10 seconds or less. Best of all, it leaves no mess. The Original Magic Bullet Express has everything you need to start creating delicious drinks, desserts and more. Set includes four party mugs with four comfort lip rings, one tall cup, one short cup, high-torque power base, stainless steel flat blade, stainless steel cross blade, two stay-fresh re-sealable lids, two shaker/steamer tops and 10-second recipe book."

At Last! A Solution to the Problem of Putting Fruit On Pancakes!

What, you didn't know this was a problem? You silly thing! Why would you just put the fruit on top when you can go through 8 steps and hand wash 16 items with this system?!



"Pan will help you make the perfect pancake puff every time. Add pizzazz to your breakfast or any meal by filling pancakes with apples, meat, cheese, pudding and many other fillings. Pan distributes heat over seven wells and is made of durable, cast iron that has a non-stick coating to make clean-ups easy. Includes pan, recipe book, flipping sticks, sugar shaker, injector, brush and handle holder. Hand wash."

Who Knew?

OK, maybe in some circumstances this is useful...but the fact that you get both a silver and a gold tone hook (to match your jewelry? to match the silverware?) and the "carrying case" that takes it over the edge. Isn't the purse a "carrying case?"


"Finally, a place to keep your bag. This smart and easy purse hook allows you to keep your bag off the floor and at your side. It's also great for a tote bag, umbrella, briefcase and more. Compact and portable, these metal hooks have non-slip backs and hold up to 35 lbs. Includes one silver-tone hook, one gold-tone hook and a carrying case."

Why Pay Less for Band-Aids or Scotch Tape?

When you can pay more for this!

"Invisible ear lobe support tape supports ear lobes that have been stretched or torn and relieves strain from heavy earrings. They even prevent future stretching. Simply apply the EarLift™ tape to the back of your ear lobe and press firmly to secure. After, just insert earring post through pierced hole and tape, and you're able to wear your favorite earrings in comfort. "

If You're Looking for a Second Job Selling Hot Dogs

So for $500 you can cook.....a 25 cent hot dog? Who wakes up one day and says "Now, the real problem is I don't have a pot to cook hotdogs, a tray to serve them on, or bottles to hold condiments, so I really need a hot dog cart!"
"There's nothing like this full-service pushcart to deliver nostalgic charm and modern convenience. It comes complete with a hot dog roller, two lidded steaming/warming trays, a beverage cooler, three inserts for condiments such as chili and sauerkraut, and a service shelf."

Is this why people have 5 car garages to store this junk? Perhaps they keep it next to the popcorn pushcart or the organ grinder and monkey.
A bit overboard? Ok, how about this one. Where do you keep this? Under the counter next to the single-use margarita maker (aka blender)? I suppose if you don't already have a pot to hold 8 hotdogs....?

Still too much? Ok, the countertop version.....this means you can get rid of your toaster I guess...if you're willing to shove the bread into the round holes.

How is This Easier or More Comfortable than...well...CHAIRS?!

Plus, you can use the chairs in OTHER PLACES!!! Not just on your truck hitch.

I especially like imagining how you get into and up from this contraption. How do you go get another beer? What if your buddy throws the nerf football at you? Drunks in trucks getting tangled in their hammocks.....

Summer Silliness

For people who can't count: the lap counter. for $75!!!!
"It's a swimmer's dream! Personal underwater clock counts your laps, lap times (including your best), total time, even the estimated number of calories you've burned. Just push the Lap Track with every completed lap and all your info is right there, in large easy-to-read numerals -- no need to slow down or break the surface."

****
For people who travel in packs and only have three other BFFs - float together! Another reason to build the pool house - to keep all this junk in!***
And just like you were sure you'd use the pool table and the foozball and the poker table....you won't use this either - floating or not!

***
Maybe this can double as a wheelchair?

"Motorized Cooler is a Party on Wheels
You don't have to lug a heavy ice chest to your next picnic or tailgate party. Just load up this motorized cooler & hop on! The Cruzin' Cooler is light enough to be carried & fits in most trunks. Perfect for football games, camping, golf & grocery store trips, this motorized ice chest holds up to (24) 12-ounce cans of your favorite beverages, and thanks to a built-in motor, you can travel at up to 13 miles per hour while sitting on a comfortable padded seat. The Cruzin' Cooler charges with a regular 110 plug-in adapter and will go 15 miles on a single charge. The 500-watt Cruzin Cooler is capable of holding over 300 pounds - body weight plus cargo."

***
Super laziness in the umbrella category

"Remotely Control Your Existing Umbrella! You don't need to brave the elements to collapse your table umbrella on windy or rainy days. Open or close it remotely with the low-voltage motor, which mounts near the top of the pole and connects to the umbrella lift-ring. Send RF signals using the included remote from 40 feet away, even through walls and doors."

***
A favorite to laugh at....the remote control drink caddy...

"Radio controlled snack float brings food and drinks to you . No need to paddle around or get out of the water for a cold drink or snack -- make 'em come to you! Motorized tip-proof float operates by remote control -- just press a button and it zips right to you. Great for parties. "

***
Finally, the laziness is appalling. Can't even float without power....

"State-of-the-art pool float features two whisper quiet but ultra-powerful motorized propellers (safely enclosed) that speed you around the pool effortlessly. Independent joysticks give you total steering control while the large armrests and built-in drink holder deliver ultimate comfort.
Maximum speed 3 MPH. Requires 16 D batteries."

Pets - If They are This Much Trouble....Why Have Them?

Wow. A stylish indoor dog crate. I wonder how good the litter box smells next to the sofa like that? "Blending beautifully into your décor, this handsome slat side end table also offers some advantages for your pet: hide kitty's litter box inside (she'll appreciate the privacy, you'll appreciate how tidy it looks), or let Rover use it as an interior dog house."


My biggest problem with this item is....WHY IS THE DOG ON THE BED!!???

The next item favors cats....

This photo is priceless. A doggie car seat!



Oh wait! This is funnier! A dog porthole! "This clear acrylic dome opens a window to the world that helps satisfy a pet's natural curiosity while maintaining safety and security. Spacing several portholes along the fence gives your pet an unfettered view of its surroundings and may help reduce barking or other undesirable behaviors."


This I have to post mainly because of the name. I don't like scooping poop either but wow.....never thought I needed Poop Freeze! "It chills animal waste to -62°F, creating an outer "crust" that enables you to quickly place in a bag and dispose. Makes picking up loose stool and diarrhea easier." TMI!!!!!

Now in the category of pampered pets. If it can't walk with you - don't bring it! Doggie luggage....ok maybe this is useful if you have to fly with a pet, but the photo is just too humiliating.

And why not humiliate the cat too by putting him in some kind of dorky star trek dome litter box! If they are this much trouble ... why have one!?